So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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