The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
there is glitter all over my balls
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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