billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
