Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
