I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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