can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
