I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
