i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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