the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
