im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I could make wine with my vomit
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
