I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
