you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
