I just pynch a tree in the face
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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