just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
