He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Hippo gnu deer
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
