He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
