How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
