God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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