I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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