I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize