I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
