Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
