Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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