I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
