She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
