I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
