Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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