I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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