We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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