god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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