you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
