I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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