I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you traded sex for a burrito?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
