id be glad to
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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