they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
