Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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