i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
