The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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