summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
