Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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