proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Reggie can tackle my bush.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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