it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
