you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
so much tequila, so little girl.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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