I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize