That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
