The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
