somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
