Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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