what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
sarcasm needs its own font
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
