well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
