I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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