She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
