We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
