Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
