Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
