It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just invented taco cereal.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
