I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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