If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
