i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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